…but I only just got round to getting these pictures off my camera so here are some completely unseasonal Christmas photos!

With John requesting items from Victoria Beckham’s cosmetics line for Christmas, I finally had the opportunity to break out my favourite Spice Girls meme.

Minimalist Christmas tree.

Ariel didn’t survive a year’s storage intact but – some superglue later – she was fighting fit.

Show of hands: who else tests the focal length of new lenses by taking a selfie? 🙌🏻

As ever, Christmas Eve was spent at my brother’s watching the best worst horror movies we could find. This year’s efforts included Butcher Baker Nightmare Maker and All Through the House: a very on-brand horror in which a Santa-masked killer leaves a trail of slaughtered women and amateur penectomies in their wake. 🎄

I tried my hand at making the Die Hard Christmas ornament that went viral a couple of years back and I’m pretty much ready to open my own etsy shop. Yippee ki yay, motherfucker!

“Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.”

Not to be beaten, Keith built the entire Bates House.

If you look very carefully…

…you might detect…

…the subtle theme…

…running through my family’s Christmas trees.

(albeit with occasional variations)

Naturally, Christmas morning was spent breaking my mum’s Pomeranian out of jail.

How was your day? 😂‬

Humphrey the Reluctant Christmas Pug.

Harry was a moderately more willing participant. 🎅

One of these birds is not like the other.

Bobby 3.0 (As with Fluffy the Hamsters I through VIII when we were growing up, my mum has opted just to keep naming each successive bird identically).

“Hey girl heeeeey!” Yes, this was a Christmas present for a 3-year-old girl, what’s your point?

Speaking of: we got waaay too much entertainment out of this whale game…

…that sprayed you in the face when you touched its tongue with the hook. 🐳

Like…I legitimately think we were having more fun than Lilly.


Top-tier Christmas present of 2017: this adorable SNES classic, through which I’ve been reliving my childhood for the better part of the last month.

(Also pictured: thematically-perfect pixel art blocks I got from my brother!)

Look how cute it is sitting next to its ancestor! 🕹️🎮😍

Bailey, the hardened criminal.

Another semi-annual tradition: Monopoly! The year before last, it was Game of Thrones so this year we went a little lighter.

“This is strictly off the record, but Dirk’s nearly five years younger than I am.”
“In what, Blanche, dog years?”

Rivalling the GoT card that just said “Hodor”.

Shady Pines, ma!

Onward to Chez Colin & Kim, where Giles was reunited with a Rusty Dog!

…aaaaand where Colin and I finished TMNT: Turtles in Time in a single sitting. 🐢

…said Splinter to the 30+ year old men playing a game that’s almost as old as they are. Oh, the irony.

Ad hoc dinner in the hallway…

…because the kitchen table was somewhat engulfed in post-Xmas-dinner prep.

That evening: another illuminating game of Scrawl. How quickly the Heimlich manoeuvre went wrong…

Special points awarded for both Pinocchio’s porn debut that survived intact ’til the end and a remarkably consistent “dancing on someone’s grave”!

Rather less so for “slap and tickle” which went real dark real fast. 😶

Putting the “king” in Cavalier King Charles Spaniel. 👑

I don’t know whether to be overwhelmed by the cuteness of his tongue or those Wookiee paws.

Lady of the Hour, quickly reminding me that post-Xmas-dinner with the Crambs is exactly what’s been missing from my life for the past 3 years.

Bourguignon and spiced winter stew, which was entirely (secretly) vegan!

Dinner was undeniably amazing, but this Jaffa Cake inspired dessert? Ho. Ly. Crap.

And what wholesome evening with friends would be complete without a few games of Cards Against Humanity. No prizes for guessing which one I picked as the winner this round.

Which brings us right up to New Year! Did you ever party so hard you passed out and woke up 3 days later in a sock drawer? 🧦


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