Since my laptop had chosen that exact week to die, my work schedule at the Fringe started and ended with each night’s show. This did, however, free up my days to explore the festival itself – my first ever, despite having spent the majority of my life in Scotland.

My journey there was filled with the usual disappointment of travelling with Scotrail, which is to say that I’m always so excited when I remember they have free wifi, and then I realise that it’s taken me 14 minutes to open a webpage to express this. Nevertheless, I soon arrived in Edinburgh and, one taxi ride later, arrived at the Big Burlesque House where, for the next week, I was to share a bedroom with a bevy of beautiful showgirls. I truly felt like I was wasting someone’s fantasy.

Day 2 in the Big Burlesque house brought with it the installation of the internet, whereupon no one spoke to each for a solid hour or so. After staving off our internet withdrawal, however, Magenta, Kim and I went out for a day of vintage shopping and – Belvita breakfast biscuits being the closest thing I’d had to a meal since arriving – an obscene amount of Chinese buffet.

We also stumbled across a first edition of my autobiography in a vintage book store.

Get to da choppa! This guy was hanging outside the venue every night so I can only assume he was a massive fan of the show.

Kim Khaos and Aurora Galore, the latter of whom was teaching me how to do the splits. (Another “someone else’s fantasy” moment as she straddled me from behind.) Cherry and the others were operating on a fairly nocturnal schedule so I actually got to hang out with a lot of the guest performers each morning, what with us being the only ones awake.

Halfway through the week Kim took a turn for the sickly so Mags and I had a wander around the festival to catch some shows and see the street performers.

Cute Korean magician. (Not gonna lie: his magic was pretty average, I just stopped to stare at him.)

Vicious and Delicious

They were pretty damned impressive.

For his final trick he passed the hula hoops through his legs and over his body whilst balancing on a board balanced on three pipes balanced on a platform resting on ground so uneven that it resembled an Escher painting. Like…hats off.

Magenta and the creepy-ass mermaid.

The hilarious boys of Jollyboat. They’d performed at our show a number of times already and – after an embarrassing amount of misdirection on our part owing to the Fringe organisers setting up two venues with the exact same name – we finally made it to their solo show.

A rather timely rendition of their X Factor parody song.

Yes, ma’am.

House motto.

One of the Californian guys Magenta and I ran into a truly unfeasible number of times over the course of the Fringe.

WTF was definitely the name of the game that evening: two minutes later, we discovered that Mag’s car had been towed for being parked too close to a bin. It should probably be noted that Edinburgh has a whole host of road laws unto itself, like, for example, the existence of double red lines(?!).

Catching one last show the night before I left – Miss Myra Dubois: “I’m going to start a children’s TV show called Auntie Myra’s Happy Hour, and the reason I’m calling it Auntie Myra’s is because it’s very hard to break into children’s entertainment with a name like Myra.”

And finally, home: recuperating from the Fringe with some much-needed cat therapy.

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