All right, Mr DeMille: I’m ready for my close-up.

Posted: June 27, 2012 in Photography
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

I was back in Dundee recently for my grandad’s 78th birthday party. The theme: Hollywood!

Since my brother lives closer to the train station, I stopped by his first so that we could head up to mum’s together. As you can see, he subscribes to the same shabby-chic-meets-random-crap philosophy as John and I. (In fact, that is the very same frog-shaped noise maker I bought in Thailand.)

This is my beloved succulent, Bertha. Keith has been looking after her ever since I left for Japan and now I’m too afraid to take her back for fear that I’ll somehow kill her within a week of bringing her home. (My favourite part: all of his plants are labelled by genus, except Bertha whose label just reads “Bertha”, haha.)

Lewis! Who, as I think I’ve mentioned before, is half LaPerm: an animal halfway between a cat and a scrubbing brush.

This was also the very day I succumbed to morbid curiosity and finally tried the Philadelphia chocolate I’d previously seen and reviled in the supermarket. The only thing more horrifying than the knowledge of its existence was discovering, a month later, that my brother now buys it on a regular basis. (It was exactly what you’d expect from a brand of chocolate-flavoured cheese spread, which is to say horrendous.)

And, over at my mum’s house: Humphrey in his natural habitat. Swiftly followed by…

…the man of the hour! All right, Mr DeMille: I’m ready for my close-up.

With the insane level of effort my mum had put into the décor, I had assumed people would be dressing appropriately. Alas, the thirty minutes John and I had spent picking an outfit the night before was all for naught.

Keith’s was a slightly more subtle homage.

John was talking one day about how my family is comparatively normal, which rather wonderfully coincided with the moment this came up on my screen.

The sisters Johnstone.

There was a red carpet before Miko got her claws in it. Speaking of whom: when you’re sleeping at someone else’s house and still find yourself surrounded by cats? Crazy cat lady level up! And then Lucy joined me under the covers. Just call me the animal whisperer.

The next day, Colin, Kim and I had lunch at perennial favourite Tonic. Of the 50+ varieties of burger on the menu, I’m fairly sure Colin has now tried all of them, but – being in no especially great hurry to try the ostrich burger – I went with the comparatively boring “French” variety (aka bacon and brie). Afterwards, we decided to brave the Duncan of Jordanstone degree show. When the best thing in the room is a jumper with anatomically questionable intestines sewn to the front, you know you’re in for a wild thrill ride of artistic brilliance.

“Do you think if I put sand in my knickers that the crabs would feel more at home?”

Turtle babies! (Curiously juxtaposed with a poster for turtle soup. If there was a greater artistic intent, then it sadly went over my head.) Colin was a little horrified by these, though I personally saved my disgust for the piece on the next floor up. Do you ever feel like a plastic bag? a.k.a. some sub-American Beauty level shit that I couldn’t even bring myself to photograph on a real camera. Which, granted, was still a step up from the painted. fucking. seashells. in the next room.

(See full size: here.)

Dundee, looking uncharacteristically presentable. (A view that could only be enhanced by Colin’s visage.)

I want you to draw me like one of your French girls.

I spent the last day at Kim’s before heading back to Glasgow, though she ended up crashing from work-related exhaustion shortly after I got there and so my visit largely amounted to Colin and me playing computer games in the other room. I was, however, deeply saddened by the absence of her mum’s chickens, who’d run afoul of a wild fox a few weeks earlier. RIP, my feathered friends. 😦

But, so as not to end this on quite so sombre a note, I give you:

… a pug with a pacifier!

And since nothing I could add would have any hope of topping that, I think I’ll just end it here.

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