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Posted: July 7, 2011 in Uncategorized
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And finally: every other damn thing that happened in 2011 minus Canada, recorded with minimal effort…and in 140 characters or less.

Brioche and peach jam! This bread maker is the best/most self-serving gift I’ve ever given.
18 Jan

Had nothing better to do on a 1 and a half hour train journey so started watching Skins. It’s now 5am and I’ve finished the entire first season (…and would absolutely move on to the second if the internet in my current location weren’t so god-forsakenly slow).
19 Jan

My mum’s cat is in season and housebound until she can be spayed. In retribution, she spends every night yowling the house down. #freedoooom
19 Jan

So I’m reasonably certain my mum’s cats just had sex in my bed…while I was in it. Inadvertent threesome? #goodthinghehasnotesticles
19 Jan

Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, Tom Hardy as Bane. And suddenly I’m a whole lot less excited about the next Batman movie.
21 Jan

(Though I will admit that Anne Hathaway as a person has grown inestimably in my opinion after seeing this.)

Started Skins season 1 on a train this week and – rather appropriately – just finished season 2 on the return trip. Glasgow, ただ今。

p.s. why was Maxxie never given a (sole) self-titled episode? Didn’t they realise Mitch Hewer was 70% of the reason I started watching?
21 Jan

Skins diaries: “This video contains content from Channel 4, who has blocked it in your country on copyright grounds.” And by my country you mean the UK? #wtf
22 Jan

You know a Nightmare on Elm Street movie is doing a shit job when you actively want to fall asleep. #FreddyFail
23 Jan

I always forget Origins’ Modern Friction isn’t an exfoliator: it’s microdermabrasion. I’m pretty sure I just removed my epidermis.
23 Jan

Woooow. Rosemary and garlic focaccia cooking in the bread maker. All our vampire problems are solved.
24 Jan

Can’t help but think 3am is an antisocial hour to be building a motorway. The entire building is vibrating. It sounds like the smoke monster from Lost.
24 Jan

I can’t believe I just had a series ruined for me by Google autocomplete. I wanted to know the actor’s name, not that his character died! 😦
24 Jan

Can’t. Stop. Watching. Skins. (Except I’ll have to because I’ve officially run out of episodes.)
24 Jan

Happy Scottish holiday I’d never remember if it weren’t John’s birthday and middle name!
25 Jan

Inaugural status update from my (finally fully functional) phone! Also saw the bank about my Japension money, ordered contact lenses and bought a birthday cake. Uncharacteristically productive Tuesday!
25 Jan

True love: ordering pizza with toppings that guaranteed I wouldn’t eat it myself. (There was cake, too, I swear.)
26 Jan

Side note: why hasn’t Domino’s started selling their garlic and herb sauce in supermarkets? Everyone I know buys like six extra servings every time.

Whiskas (beef flavour): “Foods cats would naturally choose”. Really? Because I’m pretty sure my cat won’t be catching a cow any time soon.
26 Jan

お茶漬け (ochazuke)! v(^_^)
26 Jan

I don’t know how I feel about this
27 Jan

Black Swan was amazing, which totally made up for the fact that we had to wait in a line that ran all the way outside the cinema, behind a guy who clearly hadn’t bathed in days. Natalie Portman FT(Oscar)W!
29 Jan

Just noticed that the basket in our bathroom is subliminally Jewish. #oyvey
29 Jan

Second cinema trip (and Best Picture nominee) in as many days. This time: 127 Hours. Absolutely agonising to watch at parts, but that’s sort of the point. The guy sitting next to me gnawing on his fucking fingernails did, however, make me wish he was the one with his arm trapped under a boulder.
29 Jan

Bed at 6am, lunch with John’s sister & cousin, 3-hour cat nap when I got home. My body clock needs some serious tuning…or a snooze button.
30 Jan

♥ me some belated Xmas presents from the Tooj!

…especially the answers she already filled in for me.
1 Feb

I’d forgotten how much I hate planning trips/booking hotels. I always want to cancel holidays until I’m actually on them.
2 Feb

I enjoy having a spotless house inversely proportionate to how much I enjoy making it spotless. And now to undo all that cardio. #bingetime
3 Feb

Haggis…pizza? Scotland, you’ve gone too far. #justno
5 Feb

It’s amazing how productive I can be when I wake up before 2pm. Japension forms: done (at long fucking last), postcards & overdue emails: written, hair: cut, London: packed & ready!
7 Feb

[Insert London here]

En route to Glasgow. I really need to use the bathroom but I can’t be bothered putting my boots back on. Fetch me my train slippers!
12 Feb

Just completed our mammoth Will & Grace-athon: first time I’ve seen all 8 years of the show. When I grow up, I want to be Karen Walker.
14 Feb

Alf has finally learned to use his litter box…at the tender age of 2 and a half. Here’s to never cleaning up cat shit again! (Oh happy days.)

…and ok so he completely ignores the automatic, self-cleaning one we spent £93 on but honestly? Not complaining.
16 Feb

Every time I see that photo of the bird’s head soup Lindsay and I inadvertently ordered in Beijing, a piece of me dies inside.
16 Feb

Um, Lindsay’s future son? You can practically hear his broken father flicking the light switch at the end.
18 Feb

So I went a record 2 weeks in a healthy sleeping pattern before my body decided, one unassuming Saturday, that I needed 14 hours’ sleep. z_z
19 Feb

It’s weird: I’ve gone back and played some old PS2 and GameCube games recently, and it’s not the graphics that give away their age but the fact that the controllers are still connected to the console with wires! How primitive.
19 Feb

At a Mongolian restaurant with a Glaswegian menu. Pretty sure I’m eating zebra? o_O
19 Feb

Desperately wanted to believe I was seeing things but no: it’s snowing in Glasgow. My plans of not leaving the house all day are ruined.
21 Feb

Let me first categorically state that over the years I’ve seen some sick shit on the internet and for the most part been relatively unfazed…which is why no one was more surprised than I was when I tried watching 1 Guy 1 Jar and found that if I didn’t turn it off, I was actually going to be sick. I don’t know if it was that I genuinely didn’t know what to expect or the accompanying sound effects, but I have never, NE.VER., been made to feel physically ill simply by watching something.
26 Feb

omg buying groceries online has never been easier slash lazier. There’s an option to repeat my last order. I don’t even have to choose food!
27 Feb

Is it awful that the first text I sent out this morning was one of elation that Natalie Portman finally won an Oscar?
28 Feb

I like the Born This Way video so much more than the single. It’s like some demented outtake from Barbarella. Also: her bod is bangin’. (I especially enjoyed the scene where Gaga’s painted like Zombie Boy, Rick Genest…whilst standing beside Rick Genest.)
28 Feb

Couldn’t understand why the supermarket delivery guy kept addressing me as “doctor” until I realised I was wearing John’s scrubs as pyjamas.
28 Feb

“I don’t appreciate you Slander-beeking my name, Ke-dollar sign-ha.” Haha, fast-forward to 2:40 for the good stuff.
28 Feb

Love me some filthy 4-way, ex-JET reunions!
…even if Lindsay did have a really important nap to be getting on with.
1 Mar

(And to think: just 3 months later, this was a sexy reality! Though sadly as a threeway rather than a foursome.)

Tax Office: “Dear Mr. Liddell, here are the myriad reasons we were justified in stealing your money p.s. we fucked up have a £300 refund.”
VICTORY! \o/ & it only took seven. fucking. MONTHS. for them to come to that conclusion. This is the same parcel fiasco from when I left Japan. 😐
1 Mar

Thunder, thunder, thunder, Thundercats! (I guess I’ve made peace with it.)

1 Mar

I’ve discovered that Alf’s trick is to eat all of the food John gives him before he goes to work, thereby fooling me into thinking that he hasn’t been fed yet when I get up.2 Mar

Cleaned the entire house today wearing scrubs and surgical gloves. I’ve never felt more like a doctor’s wife…or really specific fetish porn.
2 Mar

At this rate, Gaga’s going to have released half her album via Mugler fashion shows. (Yes, the model opening and closing the show is her.)
3 Mar

My mutant power? Static discharge. In the past 2 days, I’ve been electrocuted by an escalator, the dishwasher, a power outlet and my cat. (worst.power.ever.)
3 Mar

Turning 27 this Sunday and – in the spirit of ageing gracefully – am thinking of celebrating by chemical-peeling my face back to 21.
4 Mar

Can’t. Breathe. Oh god I can’t stop laughing.
4 Mar

Alf is a surprisingly comfortable (and cooperative) pillow. #crazycatlady
6 Mar

I look forward to Gossip Girl every week even though it’s invariably shit. Conversely I dread watching Glee which I actually quite enjoy. :\
6 Mar

Birthday dinner at Wagamama. John figured Japanese food would be the best way to ease my transition out of my late-mid-twenties and into my late-late-twenties. #eatingmyfeelings
6 Mar

I MISS YOU SO MUCH…gangster lip and all. T_T ♥♥♥ #dying
7 Mar

Birthday #2 avec my mum & brother. I’m 90% sure my mum was more excited about the prospect of seeing Alf, haha. #somuchJapanesefoodomg
7 Mar

Back in Dundee. Mum & I were going to watch The King’s Speech but somehow ended up playing Donkey Kong instead. #sophisticationpersonified
9 Mar

Birthday meal #3 with Colin & Kim. At least something good came of turning 27. #silverlining
9 Mar

Everything I read on Facebook today is from people in Japan talking about the earthquake. I really hope everyone is safe and well.
11 Mar

Apparently the power’s still out all over Akita City. So crazy…and, I imagine, incredibly cold. As if it weren’t bad enough already.
11 Mar

Fear not – Maru is safe!
12 Mar

John wanted to see Six Feet Under, so just re-watched the entire series. Thought I might keep it together for the finale this time round but instead, I just cried inappropriately early because I knew what was coming. :\ Still the most achingly beautiful, perfect ending to any TV show I’ve ever seen.
Everything. Everyone. Everywhere. Ends.
14 Mar

I truly thought Rebecca Black was a joke – like those literal music videos? “Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday…comes afterwaaaards.”
14 Mar

I can’t believe someone had the audacity to remove what must surely have been the record-holder for most disliked video on all of YouTube? In either event, you can still see Ms. Black in all her glory right here.

One benefit of finally having moved my shit from Dundee to Glasgow: I’ll stop trying to buy DVDs I apparently already own.
17 Mar

Shout out to my girl, Rebecca Black. Yesterday was Thursday (Thursday), today it is Friday (Friday), we we we so excited (partyiiiing) we so excited, we gonna have a ball today. Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwaaaaarrrrdds. I don’t want this weekend to eeeeeeeeeeeeennnd.
(Friday) 18 Mar

‘After reading one fan’s comment of ‘Forget Bieber fever, I have the Black Plague’, Black tweeted that the comparison “made my day”.’
Oh god, what an absolute abortion of self-awareness.
18 Mar

Tyra Banks taught us to smile with our eyes. Now, with Rebecca Black’s help, you can also sing with your nose.
20 Mar

Uncyclopedia: “It can only be assumed that if Rebecca Black decided to ride the bus that she would have a mental breakdown because of all the available seats.”
20 Mar

Delivering a decisive blow in his war against baths, Alf has taken the plug in his jaws and hidden it somewhere around the house. 😐
21 Mar

Sainsbury’s delivery man: you’re treading a fine line between creepy and aspie. o_O
21 Mar

Enlighten me: what is the point of triple play blu-ray + DVD + digital copy movies? Like…why would I even watch the DVD if I had it on blu-ray?
22 Mar

Alf has decided he’s top of my to-do list.
22 Mar

It’s been a record one year since my last freak hard drive erasure, but my paranoid, ritualistic back-up routine continues unabated.
23 Mar

Whenever I’m doing repetitive tasks, I end up listening to the same albums on repeat. I now know the entire Wicked soundtrack off by heart.
23 Mar

If you have an hour+ to spare (and can stand the interviewer): Google Goes Gaga.
23 Mar

Excluding the Rebecca Black question, my favourite moment (around the 17-minute mark): *awkward laugh* “I was you for Halloween in 2009.” *awkward laugh* [cuts to picture of her looking like a stupid whore] *awkward laugh*

…like, the outfit is so shit that she actually has to explain to Gaga how its her.

(All but one of) the Jolie-Pitts. Those kids are getting big!
26 Mar

I’d actually forgotten I was allergic to Herbal Essences conditioners. Thankfully I have this burning sensation in my scalp to remind me.
27 Mar

Clearly not living up to its name if this got company approval.
28 Mar

Rather than cleaning the the one in the dishwasher, I just spent 10 minutes looking for the second cafetière I knew was hidden somewhere in the house.
28 Mar

He sleeps like this every night! It’s like having a living teddy bear.
28 Mar

Lindsay Lohan has looked better.
30 Mar

Sofa #1 was delivered a day early, which leaves me perfectly free to meet Sofa #2 tomorrow!
30 Mar

Attending an engagement party and wondering whether I should change Colin’s personalised ringtone to something other than ‘Friday’…
3 Apr

Just emerged from an Indian food coma.
3 Apr

Sadia’s engagement party. Forever gaijin.
3 Apr

Inhaling helium balloons: it’s all fun and games ’til someone ends up with a headache from oxygen depletion. And by someone, I mean me.
4 Apr

When a film is described by its own writer as “a camp sexploitation horror musical that ends in a quadruple murder & a triple wedding”, you know you’re in for a good time. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls: I will drink the black sperm of your vengeance any day.
5 Apr

Listening to the new Britney album. My favourite moment so far: when she relapses into her old British accent on How I Roll. “Helicoptuh in the skoi!”
6 Apr

Love me some illicit international calls where neither participant is footing the bill…
8 Apr

“Movie night” a.k.a. John seeking any excuse to order Domino’s. (Did we even get round to watching a film?!)
10 Apr

Alf is sitting by the window, waiting for John to come home. Ragdolls really are dogs in cats’ clothing.
11 Apr

Dear workmen: you’re making it impossible for me to walk around naked in my own home.
Sincerely,
Mx
12 Apr

Walking the streets of Glasgow at nght with £300 in cash. I’ve never felt safer.
12 Apr

Rebecca Black…Swan! As with the original, 2:04 onwards is gold. #whenwillItireofthis?

13 Apr

I’m ruling out the possibility of having lost a stone (14lbs) in 1 week, so either these new scales are wrong or the ones in the store were. (Yes, I realised too late that glass surfaces are reflective.)
13 Apr

Markus Bollingmo @liddellmark the way you say it makes it sound like you lost your 7kg testicle
13 Apr

The pitfalls of esoteric British measurements. Elephantiasis of the testicles!
13 Apr

Amazon home page displays my wish list; encourages: “Get yourself a little something…”
That’s how you got me last time, you wily bastards!
13 Apr

15 years later, this still makes me laugh out loud:

“It’s me, Chris.”
“Is that you, Rebecca?”
13 Apr

Won’t someone please put me out of my misery and teach me how to use wordpress? I’ve never felt so computer illiterate.
14 Apr

Read comment on Flickr applauding some “good HDR!” Surely an oxymoron, unless what they meant to type was “good god, please stop using HDR”?
14 Apr

Ever since JET, I’ve become hyper-aware of Canadian vs. American accents. We were watching the old V and as soon as Michael Ironside said “out”, I knew.
14 Apr

Never say no to a panda.
14 Apr

You know, I always thought The Secret was a load of bullshit but after seeing those seagulls crap on Jay Manuel in last night’s ANTM, I’m not so sure.
15 Apr

Tragic that @RichJuz stopped recapping ANTM during one of its dullest cycles. It seems the only reason I watch now is for Jay Manuel scat porn.
15 Apr

I was concerned that the mole on my face was growing and changing shape. You can imagine my relief, then, to discover that it’s just a giant disfiguring zit sitting right on top it. (This picture really doesn’t do justice to how 3-dimensional this thing is.)
15 Apr

Antidote to the godawful music my upstairs neighbour is playing: new Gaga track was rush-released today!!! #Judas
15 Apr

Has there ever been another song containing the phrase “ear condom”?
15 Apr

The more I listen to it, the more it sounds like Bad Romance? “Ju-DAHS, Judah-ah-ah…want your bad romance.”
15 Apr

If I were to consolidate the 8,000 times per day I check Facebook, Twitter and Gmail…I’d probably have an extra day.
15 Apr

Sassy Gay Friend has, perhaps, the best approach to a) the Royal Wedding & b) product placement I’ve ever seen.
15 Apr

I got so tired of waiting for someone to use the mystery tea bag that’s been sitting in the cupboard for months that I finally drank it myself. I think it’s Earl Grey. Or possibly pepper. It’s hard to tell at this point.
15 Apr

What better way to start my Saturday?

16 Apr

Oh dear. Gaga’s new album cover is a bit remedial photoshop. http://twitpic.com/4lelv6
16 Apr

I feel so racist that my first instinct whenever I hear an Indian accent on the other end of the phone is to hang up…but it’s never wrong.
16 Apr

Resident Evil Afterlife is the perfect example of why I hate 3D movies: holding a 30-second, slow-mo close-up is really fucking dull when you’re watching it on a 2D TV.
17 Apr

And just in time for The Hills Have Eyes 3.
17 Apr

When there are 6 bottles of wine in your fridge but no milk, there is a problem. A drinking problem.
18 Apr

This makes me want to travel!

…but mostly just to Japan and Paris again.
18 Apr

Every time I go to bed at a normal person time, I wake up with the most awful headache. Why does my body hate daylight so?
18 Apr

(Actual medical explanation for my vampirism courtesy of John: my diurnal rhythm/cortisol levels are fucked and I’ve basically given myself jet lag.)

Crispy bacon strips dipped in hummus with stuffed pimento olives. Um, when is my baby due?
18 Apr

It’s been at least a week since my last Rebecca Black post, right?
18 Apr

I’d forgotten how delicious Original Source’s mint & tea tree shower gel feels on sunny days like this. Tingly fresh!
19 Apr

Nick Pitera: I wish I knew how to quit you.
20 Apr

Every time the construction workers outside strike metal it sounds exactly like my BlackBerry messenger. I’ve checked my phone about 40 times in the last hour.
20 Apr

Has anyone else seen Eagle vs. Shark? It’s sort of like New Zealand’s answer to Napoleon Dynamite.

“You’re a bitch and you’re going to die of diabetes.”
21 Apr

Every time I watch Dollhouse, I’m freshly outraged that it was cancelled whilst 800 versions of CSI & the Real Housewives of Fucking Everywhere are allowed to continue. (However – thanks to the director’s commentaries – I do now know how to pronounce Dichen Lachman’s name.)
21 Apr

That moment when you combine your film collections and realise the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with owns Twilight. 😐
22 Apr

Kara @liddellmark Love means never having to say “I’m sorry I own a copy of Twilight.”
22 Apr

How did I not know that the new season of United States of Tara started a month ago?! That said: I now have 4 whole episodes to watch. 😀
22 Apr

Hahaha, I just found the staff photo from the year Naomi and I wore the same outfit. AWKwaaaaaard!
22 Apr

I’ll get you, my pretty…and your little dog, too!
22 Apr

I suppose this was inevitable… #yesIrealiseitstechnicallySaturday
23 Apr

This is your cat. This is your cat on drugs.
23 Apr

They’ve added Scream(s) 1-3 on Sky Anytime. Revision time! (I’m looking forward to watching 1&2 almost as much as I’m dreading 3.)
23 Apr

I’m on a real domestic kick at the moment and can’t seem to stop buying stuff for the house. Currently in search of a chair like the one Carrie bought from Aiden.
24 Apr

I always wondered if maybe I just hated Scream 3 because I watched a really shitty pirate copy. But no – it’s genuinely just awful.
26 Apr

I tell people I’m happy to have John home, but secretly I’m just in it for the smoked salmon and brie breakfasts. #mostlykidding
27 Apr

Scream 4: you were so much better than Scream 3…but still not as good as 1 or 2. Scariest moment: Hayden Panettiere’s hair.
27 Apr

My cat is on backwards.
1 May

Happy birthday, Audrey. ♥
4 May

Private karaoke rooms in Glasgow, whaaaaaaaaaat?! WHYDIDNOONETELLME???
11 May

Why does a motorway need antennae…? (Yes, I’m aware that the plural is antennas.)
14 May

Better still: they turned out to be lamp posts, which now flood our living room in perpetual daylight.

I feel like the only people who could actually enjoy Scott Pilgrim are the hipster-scene-generation-MySpace kids who post pictures of retro video games to their Tumblr accounts that they’ve never even played? The only thing it did successfully was make me feel old.
16 May

“Welcome Back programme for all PSN users will include free games to download and a month’s free subscription to PlayStation®Plus.” Here’s hoping they’re hacked more often! 😀
16 May

The selection turned out to be a little limited, but playing through Streets of Rage 2 again with Colin made the whole thing worthwhile.

Glossing over how I came across it (clearly in error given the subject matter): “Slap my titties like I stole your bicycle on Christmas morning and fucked your wife” is, perhaps, the funniest line I’ve ever heard in porn. Nay, ever heard.
18 May

(I’d provide a link but LiveJournal apparently has an in-built porn blocker!)

Just used Aussie Colour Care conditioner for the first time in 9 years and had the most distinct memory of my friend, Aimee, telling me during a fire alarm that that my hair smelled girlier than hers did! haha
18 May

I can’t stop laughing at Down’s Syndrome Tiger. This is simultaneously the funniest and saddest thing I’ve ever seen. (He’s so adorable!)
20 May

32 Pictures You Need To See Before The World Ends Today.
21 May

And on that note:

Crap dammit: if I’d left the house before 3pm, I could have escaped this monsoon entirely. A person can live without toilet roll, right…?
24 May

The little Pakistani lady at the newsagent told me I had nice hair. ♥ (This despite the fact that I’d just stepped out the shower.)
24 May

So I’m listening to Government Hooker again and – correct me if I’m wrong but – Gaga really is saying 「いく!いく!」right?!
25 May

[Translation: “I’m cumming, I’m cumming.”]

How did I only just discover Moroccan oil? I just spent 2 hours with bleach on my head and my hair feels better than when I started.
26 May

A cat within a cat. CATCEPTION!
27 May

Paid the deposit on our fitted-wardrobe-to-be! Soon we’ll be able to use the spare room as more than a glorified cupboard.
27 May

Not that I don’t enjoy these freak hailstorms in almost-June but Glasgow really needs to pick a weather condition and stick with it.
28 May

Trannies rejoice!
28 May

I’ve been watching a drunk guy play in traffic for the last five minutes. If there were any merit to The Secret, he’d have been hit by now.
29 May

Just power-bleached my teeth, and honestly: these shooting pains are much more bearable than the prospect of not being able to drink coffee for the next 48 hours.
29 May

As much as I’d love to bring you, Alf, I’m pretty sure you’ll take me over the weight limit.
29 May

My eyes! The goggles do nothing! #fortheloveofgodNO
30 May

Hour 32 of the all-white diet. What if I were to drink coffee through a straw? That way it bypasses my teeth entirely, right?!
30 May

Bonjour du Canada! I’ve been here 30 minutes and I’m already sunburnt, haha.
31 May

[Insert Canada here]

Back in Glasgow (it is – appropriately enough – raining) and missing all my Canadian and/or Asian ladies (and Georgian men) already!
8 Jun

So I’m watching the video for Robyn’s ‘Call Your Girlfriend’, and can’t help but notice that we have near-identical haircuts?

9 Jun

There’s a man outside our house with a sheet of paper, exploring every square inch of the grounds. I don’t know whether to alert the authorities or join in the treasure hunt.
10 Jun

Just saw X-Men: First Class and went into hysterics during Beast’s big “reveal”. He looked like the fucking Honey Monster! #SugarPuffs
10 Jun

The song might suck, but I’m loving the extended cameo of the Queen of Friday herself in Katy Perry’s new video. I especially enjoyed the extended cut, featuring Darren Criss! (And, of course, Corey Feldman as her dad.)
“Rebecca Black is a nice girl.”
“Yeah, I don’t think she would have started this, honey…”
12 Jun

Taking a page from the book of Minnelli: It’s Liddell with an ‘ell’, not Liddle with an ‘le’, ‘cuz Liddle with an ‘le’ goes “əll” not “ell”.
12 Jun

This following: “Can you state your full name for me please?” “Sure, it’s Mark Liddell.” “Thank you, Mr. Liddle, how can I help?” WHYGODWHY?
12 Jun

*phone starts ringing in the other room*
John [to me]: Who’s that?
Me: …?!
14 Jun

Inversion of Born This Way: love the song, hate the video. No amount of Versace could make this look less budget.
17 Jun

“Besides, it’s just a perm – your hair’ll grow again. And it’s not like you’re really black.”
THANK. GOD.
17 Jun

Aaaaaand – 17 hours later – we have phone and internet again. Apologies to Lindsay for cutting our convo abruptly short!
18 Jun

Hot Asian boys on the subway…with Glaswegian accents. So conflicted, haha.
18 Jun

I figured an extra 40 coat hangers would be enough to migrate all of my clothes to the wardrobe. Aaaand I was wrong.
21 Jun

Wandering the streets of Glasgow with a sack full of coat hangers. I look like a portable abortion clinic.
21 Jun

Just as Lindsay and I had been talking about visiting, I found these plastered all over the underground. Clearly, it’s a sign. Start packing, Tsuji!
23 Jun

I was about to smash open a bottle of umeshu to get the alcohol-soaked plums out of the bottom before realising that I could just unscrew the lid. I’m basically a neanderthal.

“Or alcoholic,” John added.
23 Jun

I haven’t been able to find my favourite tank since London. Equal parts gay and true.
24 Jun

Out for coffee in Princes Square. Desmond from Lost is here! #PENNAY!
25 Jun

Alf on the lookout for our return. He waits ’til we walk in the gate then runs to the front door.
25 Jun

Cat naps.
27 Jun

So my mum just informed me that they’re filming parts of the next Batman movie in Glasgow!
27 Jun

Clearly someone was feeling very mature with the fruit bowl this morning. #5-a-day
28 Jun

Moving onto the second (at-home) part of my Pearlys bleaching treatment. The only thing it’s doing with any real success is making me excessively salivate.
29 Jun

Kitty massage!

29 Jun

Courtesy of Colin. This is, like, 90% of the girls I went to St Andrews with.

29 Jun

Where can a person buy baby-sized party hats in Glasgow? My…um, friend was wondering.
3 Jul

America’s not the only one celebrating a birthday today: please extend your wishes to Alf, who just turned three!
Two was a big year for him: he gained an extra parent, went outdoors for the first (and, he hopes, last) time and finally mastered the art of shitting in a box. ♥
#Bornonthe4thofJuly
4 Jul

Epic, 6-hour Skype date with Mihoko! ♥
5 Jul

My mum sent Alf a birthday card, addressed to her grandson.

…and this is why I’m a crazy cat lady. 😐
5 Jul

(It’s true though. I am – at any given moment – two drinks away from this.)

Department of Redundancy Department.
6 Jul

Yesssss! I knew this would happen for the 50th anniversary. ♥
My only hope is that she doesn’t suffer the same fate as Janet Leigh on the Psycho blu-ray. But for the advent of HD, that over-concealed blemish on her chin would have gone forever unnoticed.
6 Jul

Further proof that Natalie Portman and I are one soul: she named her first-born son Alf! Ok, Alef. Or possibly Aleph. Either way though.
7 Jul

Wow, so much fail this week. The cautionary label on John’s new pair of shoes. (Geez, I hope I can avoid kicking myself in the face?)
7 Jul

***

Aaaaand now I should really go make a start on those Canada pictures.

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